Assignment is not Identity

"What is it you do?" In western culture, I feel like this question is so important. I have struggled so much with this question over the last ten years. The truth is, a little of this and a little of that. I do what I Love, what the current call or request of obedience is, and things that allow God to hopefully use every skill and gift He's bestowed upon me. I don't sit writing this in the sunshine because my identity matter to you, but because God is doing a new thing in me, and I'm hoping someone feels freer not having to kill something in themselves because it doesn't fit into the mold they or surroundings have crafted for them.

Several years ago, I had a series of encouragements and prophetic prayers over me that told me I would pastor, I would be a connector and wall mover, and my favorite, a reverse tornado. "What does that even mean?!" I remember asking. My dear, firestarter(a) friend, Davida, went on to explain that I would sometimes be a lot for people but I could use my work and my gifts to help people put things together and create new opportunities, new growth, organize and help people develop. She didn't realize it, but she was speaking into all I've ever wanted to do.

Those things, however, are part of who we are, and in western culture, we have strong leanings to take those things and make them what we do, and then to take it a step further, curate it into a social media presence, a job title, a caricature of the holistic life experience God designed for us as His beautiful creation.

The Lie of Identity and Occupation

I've been so many things over the span of my career life, and I've spent the past couple of years praying and asking God, my family and my wonderful therapist, Carol, from time to time, what is "MY ONE THING?? What is wrong with me that I cannot simply land somewhere, put my whole self into it and just go?"

I've danced between different things I Love(b) and felt the need to share none of it, because I chose to feel like the diverse happenings of life were joyful to me, but made no sense in the worlds outside view of what a successful like and skillset should look like. This was compounded by the threat of people around me in life who wanted me to stay defined, to not be so much in a room, to commit to using only one gift and letting go of other things, no matter my performance in a role.

All of this compounded to leave me feeling a bit adrift and insecure- as if something was wrong with me.

The lies of my past few years has been these, I cannot be enough much less excellent at something unless I was only doing that one thing:

-I couldn't be skilled to help people with organizational strategy if I also pastored

-I couldn't pastor if I wasn't full time on staff at a church

-I couldn't enjoy and excel at design and speak to leaders about healthy and Godly leadership

-I couldn't have friends and sometimes need to fall apart and need care in return

-I couldn't be successful and not have a full time official title somewhere

-I couldn't just enjoy what each day brought and share that publicly

-and the list continues....yes, like it goes on and on and on

You see, this all seems quite silly in a list, but the feeling of needing to choose and define something, albeit subconsciously, has rendered me mute and moot. Why? Because the enemy uses simple little thoughts to make us quiet, to stop us from flourishing, and to keep our stories and experiences from being shared for His glory.

"So what," you may be saying. This may not be something for you, and that's okay. God put it on my heart today, though, to share this, so if you've been waiting to share your story or even simpler, do something once it is defined enough, curated enough or logical enough, start moving instead.

Whether it's a business, a relationship, your step into placing your faith in Jesus, whatever you think needs to happen before you can do, or whatever group of people might come after you or be letdown by your decision, you aren't doing anything you do for them. We get to just look to our Creator and move with our eyes on Him. His hand is on us- not always for what we want, but most certainly for what we need.

Identity is not Assignment

Recently, an old friend from my event design and production days asked me to coffee. We hadn't been super close at the time, but I had always enjoyed her and her warm presence in anything she involved herself. Wondering what it was all about, I arrived early, and as we sat across from each other, this woman of poise and grace began to share her story. She shared about all she had walked through and how God had done so much in her life. She went on to say that she wanted to talk to me to share with someone how she was convicted over her fear of talking about her faith publicly until recently and needed to say it out loud. I noticed her sharing more openly about Jesus, but never once had it occurred to me she struggled talking about Jesus.

On the flip side, this was something that bothered her immensely, and as we sat and she shared the progression of her faith, we both realized just how much the fear of being found out and the feeling of our identities needing to be presented a certain way, weighs on us all.

In much of the world, when someone meets you, they don't ask what you do. They don't ask because what you do is not who you are. How freeing, even conversationally, to not be assigned a value based on how much you have produced, your political affiliation or your title!

Obey and Move with Freedom

God made us all fearfully and wonderfully. If you've woken today, try to see each opportunity and each thing you do with that same awe and wonder. Allow yourself to step into whatever He gives you. Release the fear of working outside of your structured role. The caveat we must remember is obedience. If we seek His guidance, He'll order our steps.

For me, recently I sat down and made a list of the things I Love, the things I would consider myself to be gifted in and the things in which I have skills. I made this list with the intention of walking a more clarified career path (again making what I do who I am, of course). As I looked at the list, I found myself thinking back on those prophecies.

From the outside, the list was disjointed- chaotic and just all kinds of different things. Then God whispered to me about those words spoken over me combined with my own testimony- that He has spent a lifetime reminding me that who I am is not wrapped up into what I do.

As for me, I Love Jesus and I Love creating beautiful moments, spaces and opportunities for people to connect with each other and Jesus. I am left speechless over the beauty He has created on this Earth, and my passion is to create order and design as close to His beautiful fluidity in creation as possible, so we all can enjoy our time here more. There is nothing better than helping people, moments and spaces feel special and unqiue, because He gave us all of it. Our time here is precious, so no matter what it looks like from day to day, it's the privilege of my life to make memories and help others make memories and their own lives more special.

Maybe next time we meet, you can tell me who He made you to be and all of the crazy and beautiful things He's put inside you too, because every part is amazing and useful to Him.

(a) Firestarter- noun. a woman of God. from Zech 2:5 "And I myself will be a wall of fire around it,’ declares the Lord, ‘and I will be its glory within.’" from the Hilse, Jager and Lewis Dictionary (my friends and I trying to explain women who could set the world on fire for Jesus OR burn the whole place down if left unchecked and disobedient). Yes, you can make up words and meanings. The internet told me so.

(b) Love- no definition, here, but definitely a note for some reason I always feel compelled to give Love a capital 'L.' Maybe bc God is Love but let's not split hairs over how I use Love and it not being worthy of capitalization based on what I'm talking about. It's just not that serious, people.